Just Athrun and Cagalli
by thousandbirds
Summary: "I know about those political marriages that you are considering, I know that you might not be able to accept me, I know that…but just for tonight, can we just be Athrun Zala and Cagalli Yula Attha?


Seven years.

It has been seven years since the end of the final war between coordinators and naturals. Seven long years for all remnants of wars to subside and fully rebuilt. However, barely long enough for the shadow of wars to stop haunting the heart of every war veterans. Bloods on their hands, sounds of gunfire, death, betrayal, guilt and mostly the aching need to seek redemption for all they have done in the now peaceful land they have fought for.

As he is now sitting on the wooden arm chair, overlooking the vast scenery of the ocean before him, all the memories of the wars seems to be flooding back to him, clearer than ever. He wondered, if another 7 more years to come, will he still remember these memories so vividly. The pain of losing his parents and dear friends in the cruelty of the war, the guilt for defecting his team, the doubts of not knowing what to do in the midst of war and most of all, the regret of letting go of that one pair of hands.

The setting sun reminds him so much of all the things he wishes to forget…of how much the blend of colours seems to remind him so much of that one person. Of how her golden hair seems to brighten up further under the sun, her amber eyes seem to burn with fire itself, the smile on her face. Athrun couldn't help but to smile a little at the remembrance of her face before a small a little sigh escaped his lips when the image of –

"Athrun-san, dinner is ready." With the mentioning of his name, he looks up and saw Meyrin smiling at him. The girl back then, now woman, is a dear friend to him. For the past seven years, they have been relying on each other in their daily lives. And for that, Athrun is eternally grateful for having this woman here by his side all these while despite the lack of a proper definition to their relationship. More than a friend but less than a couple, always hopeful for something more, but regrettably something more that he can't afford to give.

"Ah, I see."

"Hurry up. Lacus-san and Kira-san are both waiting." She smiled brightly and Athrun slowly gets up, almost regretting to see the skies now slowly turning a dark, now with the sun fully sets. "You go on ahead, I'm coming in shortly." She gives him a wistful smile, before heading back into the house.

Just like the night sky, now without any ray of light illuminating it brings about a sudden melancholy feel in his heart. He hopes the time passes fast enough for the next morning to arrive, with the rising glory of the sun. When he enters the house, he is warmly greeted by a strong hug from Kira and a courteous peck on the cheek by Lacus. "How are you Athrun? Doing well these few months?"

"Ahh, I'm good. How about you guys? Where's the naughty son of yours?" He asked, after noticing the lack of noise in the house usually caused none other than his best friend's son. "Home, he's grounded for not finishing his homework." Kira gave him a sheepish grin at the mentioning of homework. He mouthed 'Robotic project' silently to him and Athrun struggled to refrain himself from smiling. Like father like son indeed.

While they were all enjoying dinner surrounded with laughter, Athrun thought how grateful he is to be living in a world that is now peaceful. A peace they all sought and fought for. As peaceful as the world is now, he wonders if he will ever learn to let go of the past and whether the turmoil in his heart will ever calm down at the regrets that are building up within him.

"How's Cagalli?" he asked, and Kira somehow expected this question, sighs. "She's fine, and she's probably busy now looking through those proposals." Since the war ended, he has remain in Orb, set on his resolve, no longer wavering, that he decided he wants to stay and protect Cagalli and her ideals in maintaining the peace in the country.

It wasn't an easy thing to do, building up the missing pieces, calming the hearts of the citizen. Athrun have remained in Orb hoping to be by her side, protecting her but even with those years passed by, their relationship remains the same and her fingers still bare of the ring he gave her. Despite him saying there is no need to rush with their dreams being the same, it seems like them getting back together is no easy fit. The awkward tension between them, Cagalli being pressured to a political wedding more than a few times for these past few years, the unclear relationship between him and Meyrin made it all the worse.

As much as he thinks that there is only platonic relationship with Meyrin, it is undeniable the affections the red-headed lady bears for him far exceed the level of adoration she has towards him. Adoration no longer fits into the picture now that so many years have passed. It is partly his fault for not rejecting her straight but how do you reject a person who never directly indicated that she loves him in words, despite the actions shows otherwise. Call him cruel and insensitive, but he's always been awkward when it comes to romance.

"Wedding proposals again?" and Athrun can only sigh. It was only last year that both of them decided that it was for the best that they continue their relationship professionally. _I can't give you any happiness, not with me being the leader of Orb._

He was reluctant. He was giving out excuses that everything will be fine; they can fight those wedding proposals off. His expression darkens when he remember that out of anger, he pushed her towards the wall, kissing her lips roughly, hoping that even a little of closeness between them will be able to change her mind of letting go of their every little effort to salvage their broken relationship.

All he remembers after that are hot tears streaming down her cheeks, her lips bruised, and the feeling of her hands letting go of his. He was always calm and collected, however, only that night, he lost his composure and hit the wall multiple times until he feel the blood trickling down from his knuckles, numb of pain.

"I…I haven't see her for some time." After that, he requested for a long leave, unable to look at her without any of them feeling awkward. He couldn't bear to stand by her side listening to the councils arranging for a political marriage, of looking at her face, devoid of all emotions contemplating whether to give her nod of consent and most of all, he couldn't stay by her side without having the need to hold her tightly.

" _Athrun, you don't have to do this."_

" _I just thought I needed a break, besides it will be easier for you too isn't?" Amber eyes widened in surprised, looking back earnestly at him, at the same time a glimpse of sadness shadows her face. He embraced her one more time, hugging her tightly within his arms, feeling the warmth of her body. "I will be back. I promised you I will protect you."_

 _He could feel her leaned in to his embrace and tighten her arms around him. He closed his eyes, savouring any seconds of their personal time, unwilling to let go. "I'll protect you too…though I don't think I am doing a good job at it." He felt her pushed away from him, creating a small gap between them. And all of sudden, he felt her soft lips on his and as brief as it is, she removed herself from him and left him all alone in the room._

 _He could taste salt on his lips, a wet droplet on his face._

"I've talked to Kisaka." Kira interrupted his train of thoughts, his face now solemn. Athrun interest peaked at the mentioning of Kisaka, his heart thumped in eagerness to hear about anything regarding Cagalli that is not in the news. He tried to meet up with her during his break but he was refused, saying that the representative is busy and unable to meet up with him. It happened to frequent enough for Athrun to get the message that she's been avoiding him.

"She's breaking apart." And for a moment, the only sound between them is the sound of waves hitting the beach and the soft blow of the wind.

He drove past the cliffs at a frightening speed, the meter reaching 140km/h. After his last conversation with Kira, he couldn't stay still. After a while, he excused himself, telling Kira he will be driving out for a moment and his best friend only gave him a knowing smile. It's been half an hour since he drove out, without stopping.

He knew where he needs to go, wants to go, but lack of resolve of doing so.

" _She's breaking apart." Kira sat down on the sandy beach before he continues. "Kisaka mentioned that she was very out of it yesterday, sitting alone at the edge of the balcony, just staring ahead. He said that when he found her, she asked him what was she doing this day of last year or the years before that the pain she felt for her dad doesn't seems as painful as it is now."_

" _You know Kira…yesterday was Lord Uzumi's death anniversary." And Kira eyes widened in realization before the sadness settled in._

Gripping the steering wheel tightly at his conversation earlier with Kira, he remembers how he would stay next by her side on that day, arms around her, listening to her talk about all the days she spend with her dad. He remembered her saying she wishes that she is more of an obedient child, argue less and wear more dresses as what her father always told her to do so back when he was alive, if she had known her time with him will be so short. At that memory, he slammed the oil pedal of his car and he continues to speed up the cliffs, with the wind blowing fiercely at his face.

As soon as he reached the huge mansion, he off the engine of his car and make it to the front porch. He got a suspicion that if he were to request to meet up with Cagalli, he will be told that Cagalli is now resting, since looking at the time now, it has already past midnight. However, he takes a deep breath and knocks on the front door, hoping this time Haumea's mercy will be with him.

"Coming, coming, please wait up." He heard the maid rushing over to the front door, and when the door lock clicks and the maid swing open the door, she gasped in surprise. "Athrun-san!" Athrun slowly put a finger on his lips, signalling her to keep it quiet. "I just want to see Cagalli for a bit, is it alright if you keep it a secret?"

The young maid hesitated for a moment, clearly divided with letting Athrun in and the orders she received. "What's wrong Lana? Who's at the door?" As in on cue, Kisaka came to rescue, and at the sight of him, a mix of surprise and relief flooded his face. Without delay, he lets Athrun him before dismissing the young maid off.

"Kisaka, I know it's late but I'm hoping – "

"It's alright. Come on in."

"How is she?"

With a small smile on his face, he looked up to the direction of Cagalli's room. "Why don't you go and find out?" And Athrun can only give him a smile in gratitude in return. As he steps up the staircase, Kisaka call out to him. "Athrun." He turns around and Kisaka mouthed a small 'thank you' to him and he wanted so much to tell him that he should be the on thanking him, for giving him a chance to meet up with her.

He thought that despite Cagalli's been giving him excuses to not meeting up with him, a part of him knows that he too had subconsciously avoiding meeting up with her. He was afraid that meeting up with her will only causes both of them more pain and so, he avoids any means of getting near her since then. He snorted at how foolish he is while running his hand through his hair in frustration.

When he reaches her room, he notices that the door is slightly ajar. Not sure whether she's inside the room or away, he decided to try his luck by pushing the door ajar slightly, letting the lights from the corridor to illuminate the dark room. From the flowing movement of the curtains, he notices that the glass door to the balcony is wide open.

And that is when he sees her standing in the middle of the balcony, her night dress billowing from the wind. His heart grips at the serene sight of her, with a glimpse of sorrow. As he slowly approaches her, he can only think of how much he misses her. For the past year he had left her, regret was all that have welled up in his heart. How much he regrets not fighting more for her to open her heart again to him, to fight the council for suggesting a political marriage, for not acknowledging him, the son of Patrick Zala to be anything but her husband.

And when he is behind her directly, he slowly holds her in his embrace. He could feel her body tense and struggle at the sudden intimate action. "W-What –" "Hey." He interrupts her sentence midway and at the sound of his voice, she stills. Her wailing hands earlier stopped mid-air and as if she is losing her strength, she slowly drops her hands to her side.

"Athrun." She whispers, almost in disbelief.

Athrun releases her slowly as she turns around and faces him, her amber eyes shimmering under the pale moonlight. For a while, she just stares at him quietly, not quite believing he's real and Athrun can only think how he misses the sight of her face and her being near him. He whispers her name next to her ears, and as if the whisper of her name burns her, she snaps out of it and starts struggling, trying to increase the distance between them.

"W-what are you doing here? Y-you shouldn't be here." She turns around, hiding her face from his sight.

"I'm sorry." He swallows his saliva, in nervousness. He never really think it through what is he going to say to her after not meeting her for a year. He reaches out his hand and holds her arms, feeling her tense, before pulling her into his embrace once again. "I'm sorry", he whispers again so softly it's almost inaudible. He could feel Cagalli slowly eases up and lean into his embrace, her hands moving from her side, holding on to his arms. "What for, you fool?"

 _For not being here when you needed me the most, for leaving you, for thinking I could even live without you, for letting you suffer this alone…_

"For being stupid." She chuckle softly and he removed his hand from her back, and slowly lift up her face to meet his. Emerald eyes meet amber eyes and Athrun caresses her face with the back of his hand, and then brushes her lips with his thumb. Her amber eyes widen with surprise, and slowly turn her face away, to avoid looking at him.

"Don't. Don't look away." It hurts, being rejected in action.

"We can't…remember?" he hold her face up again, tears pooling in her eyes.

"For now, please?" he cupped her face with his hands and lean in slowly, capturing her lips with his. The feeling of her soft lips beneath his jolt a sense of nostalgia within him, reminding him how much he misses being with her just like this. Back when they were still together after the first war, there are times when they were alone, that they are able to engulf in each other's embrace and talk about nothingness and futures.

Back then, he didn't know how to appreciate much. He felt lack of confidence, he didn't know what he wanted to do, he felt helpless, and he hated being Alex Dino. What he would give now to have all this moments again, to gain back those lost years.

He knows, despite his resolve now to fight for Cagalli, to stay by her side, to be more than just a commander of her troops, and to care less about what those old politicians thinks about him and his lineage, one sided willingness is not enough. He has never doubted the love she has for him and his to her, but her heart will always place her country first. Being her man, he knows the sacrifices they both have to make.

Athrun slowly releases his lips from her, before leaning in again for another. He can feel Cagalli gasps slightly at his action and gives out a little resistance. Reluctantly, he releases her lips, but his embrace of her remains tight. "Just tonight, let me be with you. I – I wasn't here yesterday." And the tears streams down, and her grip on him tightens.

"It was hard going through yesterday. I didn't know why at first this year seems to harder to go through than those years…until I remember I have you with me all these times."

"I know."

"Cagalli" he stares at her and he takes hold of her hands and hold it tight. "I know about those political marriages that you are considering, I know that you might not be able to accept me, I know that…but just for tonight, can we just be Athrun Zala and Cagalli Yula Attha? Not son of Patrick Zala or Representative of Orb." Emerald eyes look into amber eyes pleadingly, his brow scrunched up, begging her to agree.

She averts her eyes and he holds her face to meet up with hers. "Please?" With a small smile on her face, she nodded. "Just you and me, Athrun and Cagalli." She whispers. She buries her face on his shoulder and he kisses her head softly.

When tomorrow comes, they might separate again. But he intends to stay by her side tonight, to compensate for the yesterday that he was not. He only wants to hold her and listen to her talk about everyday as if it will be their last. When light breaks the sky tomorrow, and he will be once again son of Patrick Zala, and she, Representative of Orb. That is why, just for tonight, they will throw away their burdened hearts.

"Yes, just Athrun and Cagalli."

 **Author's Note:**

It's been several years since I last write anything, apart from working emails, if you considered them as writing. I hope I wasn't doing too badly and I apologize for any grammatical errors. I've tried to minimize them as much as possible, but even so I hope this story is to your liking.

Review will be highly recommended, you know, just to minimize my insecurities of writing something after so many years?

Thank you!


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